You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
