These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
