who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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