Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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