Someone shit on the floor
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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