I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
