My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
