i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
