Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have feelings that need drinking.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
