My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
