ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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