I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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