I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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