dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
