if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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