Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
