just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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