dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
