I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
