So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
