the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
