Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
