Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
