Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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