Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
