We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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