Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
