loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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