Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
