Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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