The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
