he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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