pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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