From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
