First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
