dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
