Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
