Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mom said you looked used
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
