I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
