she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
