help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
