I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
