I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
