but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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