Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
