He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
