I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
