worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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