3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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