Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
